Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Waterlemon at night

He looked at me and said: I want to slap her.
-Look at her, she thinks she's all that, she's just like the rest of the flock. I want to slap them all!
And so I looked. She was your typical Lebanese girl, with the make up and the walk and the looks. Ah the looks.
-And what next?
-Then she'd start running...
He paused. He let me picture it.
-Yes coz then she would've realized how ugly she really is.
And for him ugly is a metaphysical word... it encompasses every human vice possible.
-Yes imagine her running away from herself, and she keeps running, and running. She can't stop, she has to escape. She's conscious now and she can't handle it.

Waiter: Are you ready to order?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

And in other news.

I'll teach you to be happy. I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!

Steve Vaught

I remembered the fat man walking today. Steve Vaught. He walked across America but yet when I look at the pictures he looks the same. Shouldn't he have lost weight doing all this effort?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Large Hadron Collider destroys God by accident

In the News

It's finally here!

That feeling you get when you achieve something. It's here. I found it. Ever since I was a kid I used to ski down the slopes of mzaar in faraya and I would scream my lungs out "I am the queen of the world!". I had forgotten about that little incident and now it came back to me. Granted I was in the car, not running down a snowy hill. It's summer, 30 degrees out. But I felt it. I was the queen of the world again. Not any world. My world. And that was enough. I'm taking control, I'm taking over.
I drove from Hamra to Jounieh. Aimlessly. I was happy. The roads were empty. The music was loud.
I smoked a cigarette. I had to. It was most appropriate. Cliche. But most appropriate.
And then it hit me. What was I looking for before today? Why was I not in control? Is it because I was waiting for other people to make me happy? Is it because I knew that for the next three years I'm set and settled in med school? How come I always wanted my friends around? I lived alone for 4 years and I loved it. What changed? control. This is what changed. 4 years abroad, the world was mine. I was able to be who I want how I want where I want. This is harder to achieve in Lebanon. You are confined in a circle of friends and family and they know you, they expect certain things and you play their game. You put on the mask and it sticks. It becomes part of you. You run to them when something goes wrong. What shall I do now?
And then it hit me again. That person I've become was everything I was running from! I might not have found myself yet, who ever does? but I know one thing. if I want to start I need to do it on my own. and so it's launched again, my via dolorosa. I had stopped to smell the roses and they stunk. only because I was not in charge of my senses. I was the image they all wanted. It was a great one. It gets boring with time because it's empty. It's funny, it's lively, it's witty. But it doesn't last. It's good for a saturday night, or not even. it's more a sunday evening. That day you go to the mall to have coffee and chitchat and act all giddy and funny as if there's nothing in this world that could stop you from not caring.
I want to care. I want to feel the responsibilities. Because I want to take control and it's here I see it. I am the queen of the world!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Recreational Fun

So my hairdresser is my guilty pleasure! he massages my head somewhat inappropriately and tries to hit on me in between blow dryer strokes and yes it could get uncomfortable trying to dodge all the innuendos but it feels good to go in feeling like hell and go out feeling pampered as hell.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Ramadan Karim

it took me 20 minutes from hamra to mansourieh! Long Live Ramadan!
it took me 3 coffees and a redbull to get through the day. it's only 5.20.
it took me a year and six months to get over you. but damm am i over you now! welcome back.