Sunday, March 30, 2008


does anybody have it figured out i wonder. what happens when you do? do you die in the following 5 minutes or so? is it only when you reach your death bed and you KNOW you can't achieve anything anymore that you convince yourself that you're satisfied with the way things worked out? is it some kind of survival strategy or never ending ambition? or is it just unsatisfaction? plain and simple. let's see you're unsatisfied so you strive for more so it's a good thing. but then how much more? when is it enough? why go through it all? if you cant even get the feeling of satisfaction? no i will not settle for less even when im knocked down. but what does that say really? it's supposed to be a good thing but it will never make anyone happy. what matters really? isnt happiness? so what if you re not the best out there? will you ever be? who decides? who put the standards? why not enjoy what you have while you have it? why not strive to keep it the way it is? it's a vicious circle. you have more than the next guy but it's not enough. and no it's not about the money, not even about the social status. not even about anything really. it's looking for self satisfaction and thinking that you will achieve it by achieving your goals, in the immediate and not so immediate future. dont you get it? once this is done, or even while it's being done you have something else to plan. something bigger, something harder. don't look for satisfaction. live it. feel it. enjoy it. you've come this far. congratulations. look around. LOOK. who's the ultimate role model? is he satisfied? Look again. no dont settle for less. just enjoy what you have. every minute of it. it's precious. it's your life. it's your dreams. you're living them. it's not your fault. you were just born in this world. that's the way the story goes. you have no choice.
born in this world... what will i tell the little kid who will be born soon? that he was a mistake? oh he's a blessing. i forgot. you tend to forget. but then again who decides? who establishes right and wrong? mistake or not? social standards? i think it's a mistake. you think otherwise. so what now? will i burn in hell? where is that again? do you go up or down? left or right? is it a mistake because it will change the way things are. and things were fine. or is that the blessing because they will be better. huh? of course you will convince yourself of such. you dont have a choice. again. no it's not your fate. it's you coping with your mistakes. and it's a good thing. but dont say it's a blessing. not now. not yet. you can't be satisfied just yet. you have a few more things to achieve and then you can think about it. but it's just a few years really! oh you've been actually telling yourself this for a while now? you thought you will get there with your first goal? think again. but this time do not think of when you will get there or how. think of what is there? what defines it? maybe it's here. right here. waiting for you. watching you leave. oh you're doing this so that here can actually approve. so you can actually approve of yourself. here is fine with the way you are. here wants you to be too. because here knows that if you're not happy now you never will be.
not when you get to your presently set goals. coz then you need to start a family. not when you get one. coz then you need to care for your unborn children. no not even when you do that. coz then you need to worry by proxy. and then it's too late. they're married and safe but you're old and shriveled. nobody cares anymore. not even you. did it have to take you sixty years or so? did you have to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel? you're DEAD. CARPE DIEM. NOW.
it's ok. it really is. just dont get too comfortable. apparently you can't or won't enjoy the feeling. WHY? really why?