Confidential. Classified.

I have to admit he's too cute! so yes mistakes can turn into blessings. so yes change is sometimes good. I guess one shouldnt be scared of change it could always bring good and not just because you get used to it, which has always been my theory, but also because you wouldn't know what you're missing unless you try it. so do and regret or regret for not having done? again and again... no answer to that!

change your perspective

Love the exotica ads!


Knock her out. Knock her off. Knock her up.

i'm tired...

what does it take to be a man? do you have to seek approval from your surrounding especially the opposite sex to feel that you are successful enough in the dating game? can't you just feel satisfied and content with yourself and what you have achieved? yes i am targeting you, i am attacking you. Not because it bothers me. it actually doesn't because i understand where it's coming from. but because it lowers your shares, it could also lead to a potential drift. I will not keep looking to attract your attention. and once i stop will that be the end of it? will that mean that you will look for it elsewhere? do you really seek it so badly? is it a strategy to feel important and appreciated? grow up. you are loved and appreciated. you have friends and a significant other. you can always pick up the phone and someone will answer. i will not make you run after me. i will not be in the pool with all the others and have you notice me. pick me pick me! no. only because i belittle such behavior. there are too many fishes in the sea and if you don't want to get fished out too soon remember that you need to enjoy it while you can without having to look elsewhere. and this shall apply to your lifestyle regardless of your relationships. GET SATISFACTION ALREADY! you make it or break it. hit away.

Scramble!

-Quarter year resolution.
-Get off your high horse already. yes you're trying to make a good first impression. yes it comes naturally because you've been trained again and again. but isn't easier to have a good first impression ABOUT people? try it. maybe you won't be so bitter. Let go!
-Let go again...
-Shake Shack...
-Marie ou Marilyn?
-Self timer. Ticking bomb.
-Make new memories.
-Wish they're not memories.
-Put alcohol in your coffee mug.
-Keep the skeletons in the closet. They stink. What were you thinking?
-Do and regret or regret for not having done?
-Feel sorry. How condescending is that? What else can I feel? Compassion? Is that more politically correct?
-What will not kill you will make you weaker.
-Polaroid.
-Crepitations. Fire? Lungs?
-...T...
-I will be the end of me. resolution again.
-And again.
-Restaurant Week New York City
-Improv' Lebanon
-NYC condom
-The N train
-The L word
-The N word. Michael Richards.
-Michael C... my second crush.
-Or was it the fourth? fifth?
-Framed picture. Lost picture.
-Couch. I miss my couch.
-Why feel sorry? NO. It was a long time coming. Yes it was nice. Yes it was real. But who's to say what's real when everything else around you was fake? Who's to know when it's just a game for two?
-Fear yourself. You make it or break it. Believe in yourself. For how long?
-Tic Toc...
-And so I wave again. Tata!

The uncommon man!

Aren't they all...



This is NOT a playmobil!

on the twelfth day of christmas!

on 7/22/06:

12 days ago: wake up at 11am, whine about getting up, whine about having to take yet another summer course. Call parents, ask for money, fight with parents over who should've won the world cup. Check the news, the gossip pages. Go to class and plan a nice evening out, go out, sleep at 1am.

today, yesterday, the day before, tomorrow...: wake up at 6 am, get up to check the news hoping today is different, feel lucky and guilty of being able to actually attend that summer course. Dial parents' number hoping this time it'll go through. fight off the tears when hearing parents' voice. Check the news again. and again. Go to class and think of what route is faster to get home and check the news again. Stay in, get obsessed over lebanese websites, sleep at 3am.

I CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION!

does anybody have it figured out i wonder. what happens when you do? do you die in the following 5 minutes or so? is it only when you reach your death bed and you KNOW you can't achieve anything anymore that you convince yourself that you're satisfied with the way things worked out? is it some kind of survival strategy or never ending ambition? or is it just unsatisfaction? plain and simple. let's see you're unsatisfied so you strive for more so it's a good thing. but then how much more? when is it enough? why go through it all? if you cant even get the feeling of satisfaction? no i will not settle for less even when im knocked down. but what does that say really? it's supposed to be a good thing but it will never make anyone happy. what matters really? isnt happiness? so what if you re not the best out there? will you ever be? who decides? who put the standards? why not enjoy what you have while you have it? why not strive to keep it the way it is? it's a vicious circle. you have more than the next guy but it's not enough. and no it's not about the money, not even about the social status. not even about anything really. it's looking for self satisfaction and thinking that you will achieve it by achieving your goals, in the immediate and not so immediate future. dont you get it? once this is done, or even while it's being done you have something else to plan. something bigger, something harder. don't look for satisfaction. live it. feel it. enjoy it. you've come this far. congratulations. look around. LOOK. who's the ultimate role model? is he satisfied? Look again. no dont settle for less. just enjoy what you have. every minute of it. it's precious. it's your life. it's your dreams. you're living them. it's not your fault. you were just born in this world. that's the way the story goes. you have no choice.
born in this world... what will i tell the little kid who will be born soon? that he was a mistake? oh he's a blessing. i forgot. you tend to forget. but then again who decides? who establishes right and wrong? mistake or not? social standards? i think it's a mistake. you think otherwise. so what now? will i burn in hell? where is that again? do you go up or down? left or right? is it a mistake because it will change the way things are. and things were fine. or is that the blessing because they will be better. huh? of course you will convince yourself of such. you dont have a choice. again. no it's not your fate. it's you coping with your mistakes. and it's a good thing. but dont say it's a blessing. not now. not yet. you can't be satisfied just yet. you have a few more things to achieve and then you can think about it. but it's just a few years really! oh you've been actually telling yourself this for a while now? you thought you will get there with your first goal? think again. but this time do not think of when you will get there or how. think of what is there? what defines it? maybe it's here. right here. waiting for you. watching you leave. oh you're doing this so that here can actually approve. so you can actually approve of yourself. here is fine with the way you are. here wants you to be too. because here knows that if you're not happy now you never will be.
not when you get to your presently set goals. coz then you need to start a family. not when you get one. coz then you need to care for your unborn children. no not even when you do that. coz then you need to worry by proxy. and then it's too late. they're married and safe but you're old and shriveled. nobody cares anymore. not even you. did it have to take you sixty years or so? did you have to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel? you're DEAD. CARPE DIEM. NOW.
it's ok. it really is. just dont get too comfortable. apparently you can't or won't enjoy the feeling. WHY? really why?

Music in the holE

Thou shall not cave... although it looks like such a sweet surrender.

gemmayzeh at night

and so he says to me: " how come the police men are wearing gray army uniforms?" that's when I knew that he will never understand Lebanon. why? I couldnt answer his question and I never even thought about it. it was all so natural to me. and here we are again, a world apart.

Second class citizen

I have the purple rose of cairo's syndrome. Only my fantasy does not belong to a movie, and for some reason I still believe Cecilia had it more figured out than me.

Sweeter than wine

He kissed me. through the cellphone wavelengths. I felt it. I can't remember a sweeter kiss. Why refuse when we were two inches apart? Why wait for a distance of 10 months and 10,000 miles? masochism...

Alone

I have been taken off life support.

Yahya Jammeh, holier than thou

So the president of Gambia discovered a cure for AIDS. Oh and it was revealed to him by his ancestors in one of his holy dreams. Prophet anyone?? Now it makes me wonder how he became president.

Failure to Remember

And everywhere I go
there's always something to remind me
of another place and time...

--Erlend Oye

m.a.d.d.

so I'm not a person of many words. I want it to be direct to the point, over and done with. I choose not to smell the roses, and I am satisfied. What can I say... I get bored very easily. I can also say I have a benign case of A.D.D.

the show is not over.

Times...they're a changin'. Or so i thought. Same time, same situation, same hope, same despair, same fears, different place, different year.

On the Bright Side

Hold on to your balls DAMMIT.

Blind Item

When does achievement get substituted for disappointment?

When expectations are too great you cannot help but feel you failed.

Ode au Passe

C'est quand que tu sais que c'est fini? Est ce que c'est quand tu es surpris par combien l'autre a change? ou quand tu commences a en parler au passe? ou est ce que c'est quand tu ne veux plus appeler parce que tu ne sais plus quoi dire? C'est comme meme dommage tu sais? C'est encore plus dommage que tu ne le sais pas.

FRANCIS CABREL-Encore et Encore

D'abord vos corps qui se séparent
T'es seule dans la lumière des phares
T'entends à chaque fois que tu respires
Comme un bout de tissu qui se déchire
Et ça continue encore et encore
C'est que le début d'accord, d'accord...

Tu comptes les chances qu'il te reste
Un peu de son parfum sur ta veste
Tu avais dû confondre les lumières
D'une étoile et d'un réverbère
Mais ça continue encore et encore
C'est que le début d'accord, d'accord...