Sunday, November 30, 2008

Parallel Universe

She has a friend who she talks to once every year, very randomly, usually by email. She holds on to this friendship dearly and appreciates it for what it is. She was never close to this person in the commonly approved sense of the word, they barely hung out if ever, they barely spoke face to face or on the phone but they both know that they're there for each other.
When he sent her a message to meet her for the first time at the place they think brought them together without their knowledge, she was there without questioning. When later they decided to meet again and then lost contact she welcomed the unfolding of events, also without questioning. This is how it's meant to be and she's glad they both see it this way.
She likes to believe that they live in parallel universes, she never wanted the two worlds to collide and neither did he because then it would just ruin the whole friendship. She mostly believes that they understand each other beyond words and societal standards. Their relationship will never be defined and this is the beauty of it.
Today she will remember that person and send him an email. Just because.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

You stop and shoot...

When everything you have to say boils down to a single picture...

My view of Lebanon: the Haifazation of Um Kulthum
My love for art and graffiti
My love for Hamra
My wawa, wishing you would kiss it away...

Friday, November 21, 2008


And then when you least suspect it, life takes an unexpected turn and you're left wondering how to reassess everything in light of the changes that have come up! You cannot grasp all the angles at once. You try. You want to control the situation and not let it get to you but how? You can't ignore it, it's stronger than you, it's haunting you and those who know, and those who will eventually find out... It will leave an impact on anyone who dares to look inside, it's real life! So you blog about it? Is that what it means to you? It's an opportunity to write? No. You just feel compelled to tell the subject of your thoughts, even though he/she might never read this: I love you, for the wonderful person you have turned out to be. Hush...Hush now, everything will be ok in the morning...

Of societies and conservatism...

She remembers a time when she was asked, not so discretely, if she had a tampon to lend:
-No, but I have a pad if you'd like...
-A pad? No! they're too bothersome, you still use pads? how archaic!
Flash Foward two years later, (today), she's shopping for her good ol' pads at her regular "hypermarket" (since in Lebanon a supermarket is barely up to par, and so you wonder what's in a name, and you then wander into the semantics of nightclubs, supernightclubs and supersupernightclubs but I digress...) And so she's in her hypermarket and she checks the tampons "collection" and to her surprise there's only one kind, in a somewhat sketchy cardboard box. What's the point you ask?

The great U.S. of A vs. the Hyper Lebanon societies:

On one side you have a society where girls are overpowered and so they will shout on the streets that they're pms-ing and that they use tampons and who needs a man anyways?
On the other side you have a conservative society where girls are all virgins (or appear to be) and they're all too scared to use tampons whether because they're truly virgins and misconceive tampon usage or because they're just too scared/ashamed to reveal that they're not virgins to begin with... And so there's no market for Tampax, Playtex, Ohne Binde... But you can bet money on finding a whole two-three shelves for Always with wings, ultra, fresh, overnighting... BUT, still still you need to be extra careful when you buy your pads because God forbids a man sees you carrying them! And yes believe it, the first thought that will come to mind is: "she has her period, how disgusting!"
And so we delve into a slightly off topic rant: Why is it that in Lebanon a woman who has her period is considered sick? "yiiiii sorry sakhneh, je peux pas nager!" (translation: "yiiiii sorry, I'm sick, I can't swim!") It's a regular physiological response, albeit annoying at times, but it's a sign of good health and fertility! Oh no she can't fulfill her wifely duties! she's sick...
Long story short, as part of the medical team, I prefer pads because tampons might cause toxic shock syndrome and tend to be less hygienic if not removed constantly.
However, however, it seems like a futile and mostly personal issue to choose between pads and tampons, and women should have the option to favor one or the other, but to the day, this is not the case in Lebanon and this by itself is a reflection of a very complex, hypocritical society where women are still second class citizens.

Quand Julio le dit mieux que moi:

Mes souvenirs,
Nos souvenirs sont des photos,
Des mots sans avenir.
Tu es si loin,
Tu es trop loin. Tu ne pourras
Jamais me revenir.

Je t'aime et te déteste,
Puis je t'aime et te déteste, puis je t'aime...
Toi la haine et l'amour...
Tu danses, danses, danses, danses dans mes nuits
Et danseras toujours.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

They're not watercolor!

-You're lucky to have any memories at all.
-Yes, even bad memories. You're lucky!

--No, because I don't want to remember...
--Actually, No because they're not memories yet, they're still alive, they're still feelings and they still hurt.